THE Number--Do You Really Want To Know?
Some time ago, I began casually seeing (read: sleeping with) a girl that we'll call Yoko Ono. Hmm, that's probably a little distracting. Actually, let's call her Cynthia. Cynthia Lennon.
Cynthia and I were laying in bed one night, and had been discussing, comparing, and contrasting sexual experiences. THE question was like the proverbial pink elephant in the room that everyone knows about but won't acknowledge verbally. Finally, she asked. I haven't slept with that many girls, but it's still an uncomfortable question to be asked.
What if it's too many, and the other person thinks you're dirty/a slut/a player?
What if it's much less than the other person and they, alarmed by the low-ball, don't feel comfortable in telling you their true number?
What you're pretty sure you're going to bang this new girl the next day? Should you include her in the number or not?
In this situation, I told her my number, and she said
"Geez, that's not that many, especially for a guy."
In turn, I winced, recovered, and asked what hers was. It was about twice as high as mine was. I mean, it wasn't astronomical, it wasn't even over fifty, and in fact it wasn't even over twenty1. But still...gross.
I couldn't exactly hold it against her. I asked, and she told me what I assume was the truth. After the answer though, I kind of regretted having asked her in the first place.
In an earlier situation, I slept with a girl who we'll call Linda Eastman. She told me her number straight out, with no problem. It was lower than mine, and I thought to myself, "Okay, great. No problems there." However, after we stopped "seeing" each other, we remained friends2, and talked about, among other things, people we (read: she) were seeing. Linda had an alarming ability to pick jerkoff guys, and then sleep with them immediately after meeting them. In fact, after only a month or two of our having broken off our romantic relationship, her number had equaled mine, and then quickly climbed past it. Any remaining attraction I had for her quickly diminished into a feeling of mild revulsion, although I continued to endure stories about her date with Stalin's great-grandson. If I had just cut off communication, I would at least be able entertain the idea of sleeping with her again. Instead, I had to sing Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Takin' Care of Business" over and over in my head until she stopped counting down her fingers.
The only way to circumvent disgust after asking for THE number is to expect the absolute worst. Greek philosopher Seneca suggests that we avoid anger by keeping our expectations at a minimum (or in this case, expect the maximum). "What makes us angry are dangerous and optimistic notions about what the world and other people are like," he says. The basic principle seems to apply in dating and sexual relationships. Of course, he doesn't say much about how to disguise your nausea after it turns out that you've been dating Houston.
1That's all the clues you're getting.
2Well, friends in the way that men and women can be friends, which really isn't a friendship at all.
Cynthia and I were laying in bed one night, and had been discussing, comparing, and contrasting sexual experiences. THE question was like the proverbial pink elephant in the room that everyone knows about but won't acknowledge verbally. Finally, she asked. I haven't slept with that many girls, but it's still an uncomfortable question to be asked.
What if it's too many, and the other person thinks you're dirty/a slut/a player?
What if it's much less than the other person and they, alarmed by the low-ball, don't feel comfortable in telling you their true number?
What you're pretty sure you're going to bang this new girl the next day? Should you include her in the number or not?
In this situation, I told her my number, and she said
"Geez, that's not that many, especially for a guy."
In turn, I winced, recovered, and asked what hers was. It was about twice as high as mine was. I mean, it wasn't astronomical, it wasn't even over fifty, and in fact it wasn't even over twenty1. But still...gross.
I couldn't exactly hold it against her. I asked, and she told me what I assume was the truth. After the answer though, I kind of regretted having asked her in the first place.
In an earlier situation, I slept with a girl who we'll call Linda Eastman. She told me her number straight out, with no problem. It was lower than mine, and I thought to myself, "Okay, great. No problems there." However, after we stopped "seeing" each other, we remained friends2, and talked about, among other things, people we (read: she) were seeing. Linda had an alarming ability to pick jerkoff guys, and then sleep with them immediately after meeting them. In fact, after only a month or two of our having broken off our romantic relationship, her number had equaled mine, and then quickly climbed past it. Any remaining attraction I had for her quickly diminished into a feeling of mild revulsion, although I continued to endure stories about her date with Stalin's great-grandson. If I had just cut off communication, I would at least be able entertain the idea of sleeping with her again. Instead, I had to sing Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Takin' Care of Business" over and over in my head until she stopped counting down her fingers.
The only way to circumvent disgust after asking for THE number is to expect the absolute worst. Greek philosopher Seneca suggests that we avoid anger by keeping our expectations at a minimum (or in this case, expect the maximum). "What makes us angry are dangerous and optimistic notions about what the world and other people are like," he says. The basic principle seems to apply in dating and sexual relationships. Of course, he doesn't say much about how to disguise your nausea after it turns out that you've been dating Houston.
1That's all the clues you're getting.
2Well, friends in the way that men and women can be friends, which really isn't a friendship at all.
posted by Chris Cusack at 1:10 PM
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