Cruel Pet Tricks

If you follow this advice you will find great success... at first!
Then things will get worse and worse, until you find yourself divorced and drunk in a bar in Cambodia.

Evil tricks for outrageous cads... SEDUCE AND DESTROY!!




1. If you are honest with girls about wanting to get freaky with them, but you say it with a smile on your face, and are completely sincere about it, suprisingly they don't freak out. You might not get any, but they don't slap you.

2. Girls in general are not as good of artists as guys are, despite the fact that they are supposed to be more creative or whatever. All girls have written a poem about a single flower in the desert/forest/snowfield who dies without water. ALL OF THEM. Ask around, and you will see what I am talking about. Also, they have all drawn crappy reproductions of pictures of them with their best friends, almost invariably with those damn little grid marks still visible. Use this to your advantage.

3. Tell a girl that she is really only around cause you think she looks good and that her reasonably agreeable personality is only secondary. Tell her when she leaves that in a few months, liberal estimate, you will have found another girl. When she asks, "Why do you like me?" say, with a fun grin on your face, "You have am-AZE-ing breasts. and I like your butt too". Watch in amazement as she DOESN'T get totally offended, and in fact starts giving you these coy little smiles.

4. Nip all baby talk in the bud. Be brutal about it. At the first sign of baby talk say "NO! I absolutely forbid baby talk, it drives me frigging insane!" Problem? Solved.

5. On a similar note, at the first sign of melodrama, sing/yell in a booming opera voice "MELOOOODRrRrRrRAAAMAAA!" They will look at you in a offended way, but keep it up, "MELO... drama... MELLLLO?!!..draMAAA!" They will actually begin to talk like real women instead of damaged little girls.

6. If they try to have a pity party and they invite you, decline by saying, "Your parents never loved you? Hmmm, that's strange, my parents TOTALLY ROCK," or something like that. They will either get positive or go away, win win.

7. How to win all arguments forever: In the beginning of the relationship, establish a pattern of inconsistency, constantly contradict yourself. When she calls you on it, say, "Yeah, well I guess I felt that way then, I changed my mind." And give them a look like, "So what are you gonna do about it?" When they try to call you a hypocrite in a fight, say, "We're not talking about me, we're talking about you, I can do what ever the hell I want," and give the same so-what look. Contrary to what you might think, this will make them try even HARDer to get you to like them, since they never really know how you're feeling.

8. Women will try to play games with your head, whether they realize it or not. Play along, then switch it up just when they think they got the upper hand.