"Be Chamad Hairtai" means "I Love You!"
Dear Do Land Crü,
So I've been emailing and chatting with this chick I met on "TotallyImpossibleRelationship.com"
She's so badass, but she lives in Mongolia.
Even though I have not actually smelled her, I feel like we have chemistry, which (due to my crushing, crushing loneliness) I will define as having the same taste in board games.
She is so sweet, check out this email she sent me:
Hello you my Love KHAN!,
Oh for you my love man, I will make tradition food, is call "qanolis". Is made from wet leather, horse blood, and rainbow sprinkles. You like the rainbow sprinkle? Is good for the man's love power, it make your "khram" very nice for love me, he he he! We can play Pictionary in our dream tonight, kiss kiss kiss.
Be Chamad Hairtai,
Genghisina
HAH! What do you say about that!
And yes, "Mom", I have tried dating in my city. But there aren't many (or, any) Mongolian girls who also like board games, so far as I've found.
Now, a girl being a Mongol isn't totally essential, I'm not a total "Mongolzoid", but it's certainly a big plus. It's more important that she likes board games. For so long board games were an essential part of our civilization; they teach courage and perseverance. Just because other people have forgotten them doesn't mean I will. I love them, and I want my Mongol to share that love with me. I'm not saying all Mongolians should like board games, but my Mongolian does, you know what I'm saying?
I love everything about Genghisina, and often absent-mindedly thrust my hips while looking at her pictures and reading her emails, much more so than I would for other girls' pics/emails. She even says she would play board games with me that she doesn't like as much, like "Scream Itz!" and "Don't Get F#cked!" I think that says a lot about her.
I do realize the "totally impossibility" of the whole situation, but life is very long, and not to spend it with some one who is exactly what you want, well, what's the sense in that? I made a lot of compromises for my last girlfriend, Yu-Bich, who wasn't Mongolian (she was Korean, which is different: where a Mongolian girl has a heart, your typical Korean girl will have a dead cat's head) and what's worse, she HATED board games and wouldn't play ANY of them with me, not even "Skrewbally-DOOO! 2" She often would act like she was going to play with me, but then would suddenly overdose on cocaine before I even got the board set up! I was tired of not getting played with! After Yu-Bich and I broke up I told myself that never again would I "settle" for less than what I know will make me happy.
But I have a few problems. First, the plane ticket costs nearly two and a half quuurangkhkhi which, I think, is about ten thousand dollars, though I'm not sure. Second, she says it is imperative that I buy custom pleather "yak boots", for the springtime when the yaks awake from hibernation and begin expelling their long-stored intestinal waste products onto the icy tundra. These waste products can form drifts up to three feet thick, and will actually begin to flow under the pressure of their own weight, somewhat like miniature glaciers of shit. Somewhat exactly like miniature glaciers of shit. So what I need to know is: should I place myself in financial and physical danger by borrowing money from the mob to buy a ticket to Ulan Bator?
I guess the question comes down to , "What value can you place on love?" Certainly more than two and a half quuurangkhkhi, I would say. Unless I got the exchange rate wrong.
Help?
Thrusty for Love.
posted by bgeorge77 at 12:46 PM
12 Comments:
That was... weird...
But good to see you're eating something to make your *khram* very nice.
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I read, I think in Maxim, that girls find men who walk belly thrust forward more sexually appealing to women than ones who go shoulders first (too passive), or chest first (too aggressive). Hopefully, thrusting towards her photos will send good-thrust vibrations into the universe.
I heard that girls find men more sexually appealing if they are clean shaven than hairy-faced, but I still have growth (not quite Gerling quality) on my mug.
Sometimes you just have to walk around shoulders forward if that's how you want to walk.
Are we going to let women's sexual preferences dictate our actions and fashion???
Yeah, ok, we all know we will. Or at least to what Maxim tells us their preferences are.
And Ben, nice post, very entertaining. I think I may have met Yu-Bich's sister, So-Bich Ee.
Key to Decoding Story:
1. Mongolian = Asian in general.
2. Boardgames = Catholicism.
3. Mongolia = The ridiculously far away places that "Mongolian" "board game playing" girls will email me from.
4. Dead Cat Head = literally the head of a dead cat.
Blight,
Have you noticed in "certain types" of woman an outer-niceness but with an inner-coldness? Or perhaps not exactly "cold" but more like, "a dead cat head"?
Your brother in affliction,
Hyung-guy.
I have noticed some of that yeah. I haven't signed up on many board-game websites so I haven't been getting the emails or letters from dead-cat-head Mongolian board-game players.
Hyung... you getting the moon cake on or what? It's new years. Bring on the dog!
hi im mongolian who lives in hongkong, and ive been living here 11 years, but the things u talking about sounds like not in ulanbator..at least i didnt know any of yak milk and all this as ulanbator is a city not a countryside, and noway countryside girl can speak english and know about boardgames they would barely can read in their own mongolian, so im quite confused ..
anyway tell u option how to go mongolia see your sweetheart as u can save a lot..fly to beijing and take a train from there only 28 hrs :)
I don't think Love costs that much man. She is offering you horse blood and rainbow sprinkle after all. You can get that much from where?.....Anyway We would help you.You need make some money.Publish a book or something just an idea. But sounds way better than kimchii.What if she is he and also not mongolian ? nah just messing with your head.Have a sip of dream land water. goog luck man sounds Bi chamd (would be correct ask her) hairtai nodding to u.
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Avete sbagliato! si scrive che BI CHAMD HAIRTAI. (БИ ЧАМД ХАЙРТАЙ)
hi im a mongolian girl that's lived in london, UK for about 8 years. i do not think that the airplane tickets cost that much? but i guess it depends on where you live. im not contradicting your story but the words that your girlfriend (i believe) is using is actually mongolian or not..=S and i am from Ulaan Baatar and i can assure you, you wont be needing special footwear or whatever. This is the first time im commenting on a strangers blog but i felt this sudden uneasiness towards this growing stereotype mongolia is getting. yes some areas are very rural and interesting BUT it is not a deserted place that is considered such a far away land, it is just under russia and above china. i dont hear people referring to china or russia as some far place. its getting rather mocking the way people seem to describe it. but anyway wish you all the luck with her and i apoligise that i commented a lot of irrelevant things on ur blog.
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