Shut the F--K UP!

No.

No!

It was happening again.

I thought it had gone into remission, but there it was in the mirror this morning, big red welts spelling out the words "LOVE'S BITCH" right across my forehead.

What had I done to cause this flare up?

I retraced my steps.

Ok, so, last night I talked to my friend Zane for a few hours about the usual stuff. He's a good listener. Excerpts from the conversation:

Me: Yeah, but I mean, it's just, you know, it hurts and I'm just tired of it hurting I mean doesn't this ever go away, oh, DAMMIT! I wish I had never even met her! [Several minutes of sobbing] Gosh, I'm sorry, you're such a good friend, I never told you but I was planning on asking you to be my best man at our wedding. But I guess that's not happening now. [Several more minutes of sobbing] I mean, so, do you think I should call? Or what? What should I do? What would you do?

Zane:...[Sound of keyboard clicking in the background]

Me: Zane?

Zane: Oh, huh? Um... These things take time? There's more fish in the sea?

Well, no, that couldn't have caused my welts. We shoot the breeze about that kinda stuff all the time.

I thought back further.

Let's see, right before I called Zane, what was I doing... Oh, right, going through old pictures of me and the ex-girlfriend at Astroworld, you know, looking for good photos of me to post on GimmeSTDs.com.

I remember that day so clearly.

I remember the hours I spent looking for her when we got split up. I think I must have called her a hundred times. I went home around midnight, the park guards said that if I hadn't found her yet I probably wasn't going to. I got a shirt with her face airbrushed on the front and on the back it said "In Loving Memory: I'll B Missing U" with a cool sunset over it. I went to Astroworld every day for months, until finally they shut it down. (They couldn't pay the property taxes or something. I started a grassroots campaign called "Save Our Park!", SOP, but only one person ever showed up, this guy Clint. We stood on the hill one evening with our picket signs, watching the big cranes dismantle the last of the rollercoasters, the "Greezed Lightnin'". He moaned to himself quietly, "Jenn, Jenny baby, oh God." I felt bad for him, he was kinda pitiful.)

A year later she text messaged me:

Hey. Went to Waterworld. Sorry didnt tell u. Know u dont like water slides. Hows it going?

Ha! Oh, that was so like her.

So, yeah, I don't think it was the pictures of her that caused the reaction. I've seen the pictures before, like, a million times. I mean, I've reconciled myself with that memory, and I've come to accept the part I played in the whole episode. I mean, she's right, I don't like water slides, so, I guess I understand where she's coming from.

Hmm...

I did happen to go to what had been our favorite restaurant yesterday afternoon, El Taco Puto. The old place hadn't changed a bit. The bad service we always joked about was just as bad as ever, haha. It took them nearly twenty minutes to bring out my fish sandwi...

OF COURSE!

It was the fish! I'm allergic to fish!

Haha.. Mystery? SOLVED!

But, wait...

Why would I eat a fish sandwich, when I know it makes me sick?