What's That Smell?

If you think about it, it's really not unlike any sales transaction. You've got a product, it's got a price, and you want to get the product moved.

But you've got to sell it to get the best deal. You can't just walk in there and say "Yeah, it's a car. It's got some tires and a steering wheel. It'll probably run most of the time," and think that you'll get that thing off the lot. There are extras and incentives you can add to make the deal more attractive to the prospective buyer. Like the fact that you've got a good job, no missing teeth, and a relatively secure future. If you're a lady, you may have other things to offer: an appreciation of sports, a kind and attentive ear when your future man is griping about that good job, and if you're lucky, a nice rack.

One of the most important factors of sealing the deal is confidence. She can smell desperation, and it'll ward her off like garlic or kryptonite or a silver cross, or whatever. He can smell it too--the biological clock is ticking, he'll realize the third time that marriage comes up on the first date, and if he's not careful, he could get the clamps digging into his forearm before he's ready. Having confidence is like baiting a hook. You're interested, and you wouldn't mind tossing your line in the water and seeing if you pull up something you wouldn't mind sleeping with, but if you put too much bait on--like that real heavy stinky bait? the one that smells like, what's it called? neediness?--the trout will get suspicious. 'Why the hell is there this seemingly good piece of food just floating around in the river? Why hasn't someone scooped it up already? S/he probably lives with his mom/has a venerial disease/has some weird-ass sexual fetish/has killed someone/has an ex-husband who keeps showing up in her life unexpectedly asking for money and a safe place to stay.'

Now let me be clear. I read Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing, so I know that playing by these rules aren't necessarily foolproof. I applaud couples who meet and suddenly fall madly in love with each other, and I wish them the best of luck. But that doesn't happen to everyone, and even when it does happen, those couples are still going to have to deal with the realities of the marketplace at one point or another. In every relationship there's always some level of pushing away and pulling towards, even if it's negligible. There's nothing wrong with this, and relationships, as a necessity, work successfully with this already built in.

The secret subconscious reasoning behind the offensive odor of desperation is simple: Suspicion.' Why's she pushing this on me so hard? They're really just trying to get the crap off the lot before the new 2006 models come in. There's definitely something wrong with it.' If you overwhelm supply, demand drops.

Having confidence is really just having the knowledge--not the feeling, but the actual knowledge and understanding--that you can walk away from the deal at any time and be alright. It's really easy to forget that when you learn that she's a Raiders fan! or that he likes opera! but don't set yourself on one item until you're sure. Being sure takes time, and research, and patience. Read between the lines, shop around, and always play it cool, and you'll be able to make a more well-informed decision about that next important purchase.