How We Do
When first meeting a potential mate/date, a general truism is that it's important not to reveal too much information, become too quickly attached, or appear too eager.
This, of course, is called "playing the game".1
Many people find the game to be petty and immature, and argue that mature people who are interested in each other can share personal information and move at whatever pace they'd like.
But ask a girl who's being called two or three times a day by a new guy and see if she wishes he had played the game and resisted those urges. While you're at it, you might as well go ahead and ask a guy who picked up a girl at a bar and then slept with her, only to have her profess her love or something afterwards. Who wants to hang around a needy person?
What is the game, exactly? It's a lot of things: It's not calling twice without a return call. It's not buying gifts on the second date. It's not telling, on the first date, the story of your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you for seven agonizing years oh my God it was miserable I hate men but I'm willing to see what you're about, Gary. Basically, it's any behavior that you alter in order to make yourself more desirable to the other person, and that includes being more receptive to things that you wouldn't normally be so the person won't think you're rigid, dressing up nicer than usual, and laughing at his bad jokes.
I'm not saying that a unique connection between people can't filter through a lot of that garbage like laughing at bad jokes or the revelation of personal information. But respect and honesty have to be earned; these are not things that appear immediately no matter how great the chemistry or how shiny and nice-smelling her hair is.
If you leave some of the mystery for the future of the relationship you'll find yourselves continuing to be interested in each other, and the respect that each of you has earned will get you through those times in which one person feels needier than the other (anyone who's been in a long-term relationship knows that that role gets traded off all the time).
1Not to be confused with The Game, 50 Cent's gangsta-rappin' protege. If you try to "play" The Game (perhaps by kicking him out of your crew), you're liable to get shot in the leg, just like this guy who was recently shot in the leg, probably by someone in The Game's entourage.
This, of course, is called "playing the game".1
Many people find the game to be petty and immature, and argue that mature people who are interested in each other can share personal information and move at whatever pace they'd like.
But ask a girl who's being called two or three times a day by a new guy and see if she wishes he had played the game and resisted those urges. While you're at it, you might as well go ahead and ask a guy who picked up a girl at a bar and then slept with her, only to have her profess her love or something afterwards. Who wants to hang around a needy person?
What is the game, exactly? It's a lot of things: It's not calling twice without a return call. It's not buying gifts on the second date. It's not telling, on the first date, the story of your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you for seven agonizing years oh my God it was miserable I hate men but I'm willing to see what you're about, Gary. Basically, it's any behavior that you alter in order to make yourself more desirable to the other person, and that includes being more receptive to things that you wouldn't normally be so the person won't think you're rigid, dressing up nicer than usual, and laughing at his bad jokes.
I'm not saying that a unique connection between people can't filter through a lot of that garbage like laughing at bad jokes or the revelation of personal information. But respect and honesty have to be earned; these are not things that appear immediately no matter how great the chemistry or how shiny and nice-smelling her hair is.
If you leave some of the mystery for the future of the relationship you'll find yourselves continuing to be interested in each other, and the respect that each of you has earned will get you through those times in which one person feels needier than the other (anyone who's been in a long-term relationship knows that that role gets traded off all the time).
1Not to be confused with The Game, 50 Cent's gangsta-rappin' protege. If you try to "play" The Game (perhaps by kicking him out of your crew), you're liable to get shot in the leg, just like this guy who was recently shot in the leg, probably by someone in The Game's entourage.
posted by Chris Cusack at 8:22 AM
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