Jap's Eye of the Tiger
This will be, admittedly, a more free-form post than you'll usually find on Welcome to Do Land (which, when referred to in abbreviated form, should be noted as "Do Land", not "To Do Land", "Land" or "Welcome to").
Here are a few brief thoughts in which I'd like to ask for feedback from the few readers that are still hanging on out there:
1. To those of you who are bloggers, do those of you with significant others find yourselves trapped with regards to what you can write about by that significant other like my colleague Joey Honey AKA Benjamin the hard-nosed totalitarian? (If you are not a blogger, please mentally re-phrase the question in this way: "If you were a blogger, can you imagine yourself trapped with regards to what you can write about by your significant other like my fastidious and Nazi-inclined colleague Benjamin?")1
2. If you do find yourself chained by the desire to express yourself less freely by the fear of upsetting your one true love, how do you handle this dilemma?
3. Is it reasonable to ask your sweetheart not to read your blog?
4. If that is the agreed upon solution, can you really expect them not to read it?
5. Don't you think that I should start writing more posts about how Ben is a Nazi or using a Ben-Nazi character to exemplify stories about how guys cheat and women like money?
Personally, I feel like if your other half isn't strong enough to stomach what you would write if they weren't reading, it's clear that they shouldn't read it. We as bloggers have a duty to be as entertaining (read: controversial, shocking, explicit, fully-detailed in our sexual histories) as we can so that blogger.com will finally put us in that little thing that says "Interesting Blogs" or whatever, and we'll receive lots of comments and eventually feel validated in having ever written anything to be published online in the first place.
But there's the problem. If they agree not to read it, how can you be sure that they aren't? (Besides, of course, the tell-tale detail of some their exploding rage after you write a particularly revealing post about a failed attempt at anal sex with your current mate.) The only way to really do it is either have them toughen up and read it while you write unfettered (with compromises, granted--I wouldn't want my girlfriend blabbing her mouth off into cyberspace if I couldn't get an erection or confessed my fantasy of having her shove a kitchen lighter up my ass while she reads from the phone book), or have them agree not to read it and stick to it.
I've got this strange introductory online-romance thing going on right now (whether or not she actually reads this blog I'm not sure of at the moment, and I've stayed away from mentioning her in the past), and she previously swore not to read my blog--not because I asked her not to, but because she said she'd rather only know what I want to tell her. I thought that sounded like a fine idea, as I tend to write in an over-the-top persona for my blogs (hence the pseudonym), and I wouldn't want her to have Zane the assfucking Communist on her brain as a first impression. Besides, I'm more of a Socialist.2
Anyway, it was recently revealed that she did read it ("it" being Life of Zane) 'a few times'. I'm fine with that, and I'm not opposed to her reading it (in fact I'm kind of glad). This though, was the catalyst for the whole question of "journalistic" freedom when held by the whim of the guy/girl you're trying to get freaky with.
Your thoughts/advice?
1Message to Benjamin's girlfriend: I'm sure you're a very nice and understanding girl, even though I've never met you. From the pictures I've seen of you, you're very attractive and Benjamin has nothing but kind words to say about you. Please do not stab me to death if and when we finally do meet.
2In another example that I don't want to mention because it can only serve to undeservedly boost her popularity, Moxie, the advice columnist/smut-writer/Sex and the City-inspired blogger of the Sex and Moxie blog frequently writes very explicitly about her relationship with her man-friend, their sexual experiences, her previous sexual history, and her curiosity about whether or not he's cheating, whether or not she should have made out with some random dude while she was drunk, and various men that turn her on. Her boyfriend has promised not to read it, and with an exception of just once (which she mentioned on the blog), he apparently doesn't read it. Brave man.
Here are a few brief thoughts in which I'd like to ask for feedback from the few readers that are still hanging on out there:
1. To those of you who are bloggers, do those of you with significant others find yourselves trapped with regards to what you can write about by that significant other like my colleague Joey Honey AKA Benjamin the hard-nosed totalitarian? (If you are not a blogger, please mentally re-phrase the question in this way: "If you were a blogger, can you imagine yourself trapped with regards to what you can write about by your significant other like my fastidious and Nazi-inclined colleague Benjamin?")1
2. If you do find yourself chained by the desire to express yourself less freely by the fear of upsetting your one true love, how do you handle this dilemma?
3. Is it reasonable to ask your sweetheart not to read your blog?
4. If that is the agreed upon solution, can you really expect them not to read it?
5. Don't you think that I should start writing more posts about how Ben is a Nazi or using a Ben-Nazi character to exemplify stories about how guys cheat and women like money?
Personally, I feel like if your other half isn't strong enough to stomach what you would write if they weren't reading, it's clear that they shouldn't read it. We as bloggers have a duty to be as entertaining (read: controversial, shocking, explicit, fully-detailed in our sexual histories) as we can so that blogger.com will finally put us in that little thing that says "Interesting Blogs" or whatever, and we'll receive lots of comments and eventually feel validated in having ever written anything to be published online in the first place.
But there's the problem. If they agree not to read it, how can you be sure that they aren't? (Besides, of course, the tell-tale detail of some their exploding rage after you write a particularly revealing post about a failed attempt at anal sex with your current mate.) The only way to really do it is either have them toughen up and read it while you write unfettered (with compromises, granted--I wouldn't want my girlfriend blabbing her mouth off into cyberspace if I couldn't get an erection or confessed my fantasy of having her shove a kitchen lighter up my ass while she reads from the phone book), or have them agree not to read it and stick to it.
I've got this strange introductory online-romance thing going on right now (whether or not she actually reads this blog I'm not sure of at the moment, and I've stayed away from mentioning her in the past), and she previously swore not to read my blog--not because I asked her not to, but because she said she'd rather only know what I want to tell her. I thought that sounded like a fine idea, as I tend to write in an over-the-top persona for my blogs (hence the pseudonym), and I wouldn't want her to have Zane the assfucking Communist on her brain as a first impression. Besides, I'm more of a Socialist.2
Anyway, it was recently revealed that she did read it ("it" being Life of Zane) 'a few times'. I'm fine with that, and I'm not opposed to her reading it (in fact I'm kind of glad). This though, was the catalyst for the whole question of "journalistic" freedom when held by the whim of the guy/girl you're trying to get freaky with.
Your thoughts/advice?
1Message to Benjamin's girlfriend: I'm sure you're a very nice and understanding girl, even though I've never met you. From the pictures I've seen of you, you're very attractive and Benjamin has nothing but kind words to say about you. Please do not stab me to death if and when we finally do meet.
2In another example that I don't want to mention because it can only serve to undeservedly boost her popularity, Moxie, the advice columnist/smut-writer/Sex and the City-inspired blogger of the Sex and Moxie blog frequently writes very explicitly about her relationship with her man-friend, their sexual experiences, her previous sexual history, and her curiosity about whether or not he's cheating, whether or not she should have made out with some random dude while she was drunk, and various men that turn her on. Her boyfriend has promised not to read it, and with an exception of just once (which she mentioned on the blog), he apparently doesn't read it. Brave man.
posted by Chris Cusack at 7:14 AM
6 Comments:
"2In another example that I don't want to mention because it can only serve to undeservedly boost her popularity, Moxie, the advice columnist/smut-writer/Sex and the City-inspired blogger of the Sex and Moxie blog frequently writes very explicitly about her relationship with her man-friend, their sexual experiences, her previous sexual history, and her curiosity about whether or not he's cheating, whether or not she should have made out with some random dude while she was drunk, and various men that turn her on. Her boyfriend has promised not to read it, and with an exception of just once (which she mentioned on the blog), he apparently doesn't read it. Brave man. "
Ahem...may I?
First, it's very simple to tell if your mate is reading your blog, especially if you have a tracker installed. I know my "man friend's" work and home IP address so I know he doesn't read my blog. Now, could he have read it while he's away on business? Sure, he could have. But I asked him not to. And I trust him. If it were a regular froo -froo oink journal I kept in my panty drawer, the same rule would apply....don't read it, even when I'm not home.
There's nothing wrong with having a place to vent or share confusions or thoughts. It just so happenes that my confusions and experiences are...you know...relatable. So your inexplicable resentment for me (someone you don't even know) is sort of misplaced. An for someone who has such an attitude towards my blog...you sure seem to know a hell of a lot of what's been going on over there. You'd think if I were such disappointment to you, you wouldn't read it.
You may.
First of all, I'm flattered that you found our blog, let alone that you would respond to it. You've been linked by Nerve, for God's sake, and I'm begging for comments on a per-post basis. Thank you.
I don't have a tracker. (I don't know if I want one--if things do work out with this girl, and she tells me that she's not going to read it then I think I'd just want to trust her on it rather than checking up on whether or not she's keeping her word. That said, more information is always better in my opinion, so maybe I should.)
"There's nothing wrong with having a place to vent or share confusions or thoughts."
That's true. I don't begrudge you on that, especially since I'm doing the same thing. Your topics are relatable, hence your healthy readership.
As for my "inexplicable resentment" for you (someone I don't even know) and my "disappointment" with your blog:
I'm surprised that the phrase "someone you don't even know" would even come off of your fingertips. I didn't comment on your personal habits (something I know nothing about), your looks (something I've never seen), or anything else but something I have seen--your blog.
And of course I read it. It's entertaining. You write good smut, you've got a perspective that is almost opposite mine (which is valuable if you're interested in knowing more about sex/relationships), and you are, if I may, our competition in a way.
Re the phrase "undeservedly boost her popularity" (which is the only thing I could glean from what I wrote that seems to be a resentful opinion--the rest of it is simple fact as far as I'm aware): Despite your entertaining smut and insights into the female psyche, I think you're often careless in the way you write, and (since your perspective is, as I said, nearly opposite mine) I have an inherent disagreement with a number of your thoughts and advice on relationships. Rush Limbaugh is popular too, but that guy's a fucking idiot.
And yes, I think that Patrick is brave for not reading your blog when the one time he did you two got into a fight over something you concealed from him but revealed to strangers.
However, I definitely respect him for not reading it (your relationship with him is certainly much healthier as a result), and I totally understand the need to conceal secrets from our significant others.
Finally, however much I disagree with some of the things you say and a lot of the way you present yourself and your (how can you deny it) Sex and the City attitude, it definitely takes guts to go out and write such personal things about yourself for people like me and whoever else to comment on. Keep it up as long as it serves you.
Rush Limbaugh is not a fucking idiot! He's the smartest man in the world! He's.. .He's so great! He's the freaking greatest! And I will not have you dissing mein talkenshowhostenkommandant on this blog!
Trembling with conservative rage,
Josev.
ps: Sex in the City is pure poison.
"Re the phrase "undeservedly boost her popularity" (which is the only thing I could glean from what I wrote that seems to be a resentful opinion--the rest of it is simple fact as far as I'm aware): Despite your entertaining smut and insights into the female psyche, I think you're often careless in the way you write, and (since your perspective is, as I said, nearly opposite mine) I have an inherent disagreement with a number of your thoughts and advice on relationships. Rush Limbaugh is popular too, but that guy's a fucking idiot."
Here's what bothers me. It's actually a pet peeve of mine...
"Re the phrase "undeservedly boost her popularity" (which is the only thing I could glean from what I wrote that seems to be a resentful opinion--the rest of it is simple fact as far as I'm aware):"
You opened your comemntary about my blog using that phrase which just tainted the whole opinion. Your disdain was made clear with that opening line...and anything you said after it would be perceived as a negative take.
"Despite your entertaining smut..."
Again...negative. How many times did you use the word "smut?" There is a derogatory implication there. You know that, I don't have to point that out to you. It was a backhanded compliment. I'd have more respect for your opinion if you just identified it and stated it rather than trying to "soften the blow." You don't have to like my blog. And you certainly don't need to feign interest. No one is forcing you to read it. But at least have the balls to own up to your own opinion.
What I find most irresposible about your comments is how you dismissively describe my blog ("smut-writer"), stating your own obviosuly biased opinions and and then don't link the URL. Could it be that you feared people might have actually agreed with me?(And, as you said, I have a "healthy" readership so this complaint isn't over a desire for publicity.) Funny thing is, you revealed your motivation in your first line yet still expected people NOT to think you weren't writing your comment our of spite.
"I have an inherent disagreement with a number of your thoughts and advice on relationships."
Fine...so then THAT'S what you should have said to begin with. That's the point of the blog...to encourage a discussion. Good or bad. Right or Wrong. It's about opening people up to opinions and ideas of someone other than themselves. I'm really sorry you didn't get that.
For some reason, the other night as I was lying in my rock-hard bed in Bangkok, this whole thing came crashing back to me, and even though the horse is beaten past its death, I thought that I should put out one last rejoinder.
What part of the name of the blog isn't linked? It's totally linked! Not to mention the fact that I linked it in a post several weeks back.
I wouldn't give you a comment that I didn't think was true--it's not like I'm trying to lighten the blow or something. I think your blog is entertaining crap, which most blogs are, including ours. If there's got to be a point in defending a mild insult I made in a footnote to illustrate a point, that's it.
I haven't seen an opinion in the comments here that wasn't really saying "I'm upset with you for bashing my blog, and I didn't scroll over the correct words to see if the blog was actually linked."
Good luck!
I'm still seething in righteous anger about that Rush Limbaugh comment.
Get it? "Right"eous? Hahaha.
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