Friendships With the Opposite Sex: How Fast Should You Run From Them? OR Being Friends With Gay Guys: No or Hell No?
To put it simply, guys and girls can't be friends because sex gets in the way.
"But Chris!" you say. "You can't go around making sweeping black-and-white statements like that!"
Woah sweetheart, I sweep when I want, where I want, and in what color I want, OK?
There are exceptions. Like, if one of the people are gay, for example. Then it's pretty clear that if the person is truly gay, the sex thing can't become an issue. And they can't be gay in the way that Jenna Jameson is basically gay now--that is to say, she only does girl-girl scenes. (I'd be willing to bet that she's sneaking some wang every now and then, even if it is off-camera.)
If gay is the way for at least one person in play, then the relationship will be OK.
Now say that three times and commit it to memory.
The only way that the gayitude of one person will lead to the result of a disasterous relationship is if the people are the same sex. A gay man and a "straight" man in a friendship will end in either one of two scenarios:
1. Straight guy begins "experimenting" or "branching out".
2. Gay guy is beaten up.
If it ends in number one, the friends aren't really friends--they're two guys fucking. If it ends in number two, then, unless it's some kind of strange scenario where the gay guy likes getting beaten up through some kind of perverse sexual fetish (in which case they've moved into number one territory, and the friendship is null anyway), the friendship is terminated.
I only make this kind of categorical argument because of one important standard that courses through the design of all humankind:
People are horny.
People are horny, whether they're gay or straight, single or married, male or female.
I take that back. People are horny, but the result of the relationship almost always depends on the male. I've said a couple of times on this blog that girls consistently think they have guy friends. What they've really got is a guy who's been sitting on his hands for the last three years because he's too scared to say that he wants to fuck her. These are typically the guys that women cite when they start counting the male friends they have.
"What about Andrew?" you might hear a woman say. "Andrew and I are friends! We hang out all the time! We went to the movie the other day! We saw Meet the Fockers!"
"Ugh," You might say. "Who paid?" This is a good question to ask when she says this.
"We paid for ourselves," she says confidently.
"Did he try to pay for you?"
"Well, yes. But I wouldn't let him!"
"This is because he wants to fuck you."
"But I don't see him that way."
"So basically you're taking advantage of Andrew to fulfill your own emotional needs."
"No I'm not! I'm--"
"Andrew is dying inside. You should know that. You know that lingering look he gives you when he walks you to the door? That's the look of a man who is smitten but is too afraid to admit it because he knows you don't feel the same way. Basically he's allowed himself to be jerked around because he thinks that if he gets closer to you, you won't be able to resist him later. A sad and disturbing case, but typical nonetheless."
"You must really hate women, don't you?"
And there lies the problem, gentlemen, in discussing this matter with the opposite sex, and in bringing it to the forefront of your consciousness. In my experience, it can't be understood by women, and even if you explain it to them as clearly as possible, only a very few will ever accept it without truly knowing it as something they feel.
Besides that, it will eat you alive, and it will occupy every molecule of your thought. It will be the first thing you think about when you meet a girl, and the last thing you think about when you break up with one. It will ruin your relationship with women--if you let it.
The only reason knowing and understanding this basic theory can ever be helpful is because it can save you a lot of heartache if applied properly. It's probably fair to say that lots of men have been "Andrew" in their lives. It really sucked, didn't it? I've done it more than once, and it was gut-wrenching each time. After knowing and understanding the basic idea that a platonic friendship with a woman is competely untenable, the scenarios in which I calmly and matter-of-factly followed the natural dictates of the idea were infinitely easier to get through. I didn't torture myself with hanging out with a girl that didn't feel the same way, and I ended it promptly and without fuss.
NEXT TIME: "How to Get Out of it Without Going Through a Bunch of Bullshit"
"But Chris!" you say. "You can't go around making sweeping black-and-white statements like that!"
Woah sweetheart, I sweep when I want, where I want, and in what color I want, OK?
There are exceptions. Like, if one of the people are gay, for example. Then it's pretty clear that if the person is truly gay, the sex thing can't become an issue. And they can't be gay in the way that Jenna Jameson is basically gay now--that is to say, she only does girl-girl scenes. (I'd be willing to bet that she's sneaking some wang every now and then, even if it is off-camera.)
If gay is the way for at least one person in play, then the relationship will be OK.
Now say that three times and commit it to memory.
The only way that the gayitude of one person will lead to the result of a disasterous relationship is if the people are the same sex. A gay man and a "straight" man in a friendship will end in either one of two scenarios:
1. Straight guy begins "experimenting" or "branching out".
2. Gay guy is beaten up.
If it ends in number one, the friends aren't really friends--they're two guys fucking. If it ends in number two, then, unless it's some kind of strange scenario where the gay guy likes getting beaten up through some kind of perverse sexual fetish (in which case they've moved into number one territory, and the friendship is null anyway), the friendship is terminated.
I only make this kind of categorical argument because of one important standard that courses through the design of all humankind:
People are horny.
People are horny, whether they're gay or straight, single or married, male or female.
I take that back. People are horny, but the result of the relationship almost always depends on the male. I've said a couple of times on this blog that girls consistently think they have guy friends. What they've really got is a guy who's been sitting on his hands for the last three years because he's too scared to say that he wants to fuck her. These are typically the guys that women cite when they start counting the male friends they have.
"What about Andrew?" you might hear a woman say. "Andrew and I are friends! We hang out all the time! We went to the movie the other day! We saw Meet the Fockers!"
"Ugh," You might say. "Who paid?" This is a good question to ask when she says this.
"We paid for ourselves," she says confidently.
"Did he try to pay for you?"
"Well, yes. But I wouldn't let him!"
"This is because he wants to fuck you."
"But I don't see him that way."
"So basically you're taking advantage of Andrew to fulfill your own emotional needs."
"No I'm not! I'm--"
"Andrew is dying inside. You should know that. You know that lingering look he gives you when he walks you to the door? That's the look of a man who is smitten but is too afraid to admit it because he knows you don't feel the same way. Basically he's allowed himself to be jerked around because he thinks that if he gets closer to you, you won't be able to resist him later. A sad and disturbing case, but typical nonetheless."
"You must really hate women, don't you?"
And there lies the problem, gentlemen, in discussing this matter with the opposite sex, and in bringing it to the forefront of your consciousness. In my experience, it can't be understood by women, and even if you explain it to them as clearly as possible, only a very few will ever accept it without truly knowing it as something they feel.
Besides that, it will eat you alive, and it will occupy every molecule of your thought. It will be the first thing you think about when you meet a girl, and the last thing you think about when you break up with one. It will ruin your relationship with women--if you let it.
The only reason knowing and understanding this basic theory can ever be helpful is because it can save you a lot of heartache if applied properly. It's probably fair to say that lots of men have been "Andrew" in their lives. It really sucked, didn't it? I've done it more than once, and it was gut-wrenching each time. After knowing and understanding the basic idea that a platonic friendship with a woman is competely untenable, the scenarios in which I calmly and matter-of-factly followed the natural dictates of the idea were infinitely easier to get through. I didn't torture myself with hanging out with a girl that didn't feel the same way, and I ended it promptly and without fuss.
NEXT TIME: "How to Get Out of it Without Going Through a Bunch of Bullshit"
posted by Chris Cusack at 10:53 PM
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