Breaking Up isn't That Hard to do, it's Just A Pain in the Ass
I went out a couple of times with a girl I like to call Crazy Kiwi Girl I Only Hung Out With Three Times But Is Treating Our Relationship Like We Were Soulmates And I Just Fucked Her Best Friend. For short, I call her Nomi.
On the fourth time we hung out (which also happened to be her birthday party), she told me that she thought we shouldn't see each other anymore. It seems that she thought that she really liked me, and didn't want to get too involved, since I'm leaving the country in just a few months. It seemed like a fair request to me, but I was a bit puzzled. To be honest, I didn't feel like we connected on any level at all. I mean, I was polite and charming to her, but beyond the first two boxes, nothing was getting checked off. She listened to crappy acoustic music, she enjoyed Top Gun, she seemed to lack any kind of direction for her future, and just didn't seem very smart. How was it that she thought that she really liked me? At any rate, I was free, and pleased that I wasn't going to have to be the one to say "Look, I don't want to hang out with you any more." She asked if we could still be friends, and still, you know, hang out and stuff, to which I of course said yes. To me, this means that we won't be friends or hang out any more, and all obligations to each other are off. Having interpreted the situation in this way, I didn't call her again.
Imagine my surprise when she showed up at my work a week to the day after our "break-up", nearly in tears because I hadn't called her.
"I've been thinking about you all week," she said. "I thought we were going to hang out and stuff, but you didn't call. You didn't even call once."
Wha?
She took a couple of deep breaths. "I had to go have a beer before I came here because I was so nervous. I thought you hated me."
"I don't hate you," I explained. "I thought it was over. I'm not angry with you, I understand and respect your reasons, but I'll get over it. It's OK."
"But I thought we were still going to hang out."
"Look," I said. "I've tried being friends with girls in the past. It's never worked for me. I refuse to put myself through it. If I'm attracted to a girl, and I want to hang out with her, in stands to reason that I'm going to be interested in her romantically. If there's some external event or situation that is preventing me from that, why would I torture myself? It's just not worth it."
"But, I have guy friends," she pleaded. "I have lots of guy friends."
No you don't, I thought but didn't say. You just think you do.
"I just don't think I can do that," I said.
"Just tell it to me straight, Chris. If you don't want to hang out, just tell me."
That's what I've been trying to do the entire time, woman! Listen to me!
The conversation ended with a consoling hug, and her making me promise that I'd call her the next week so we could hang out. I suppose I could have kept tossing straws on the camel's back, but it seemed fruitless, and my resolve was weakened by her startling ability to ignore the words coming out of my mouth, and her steadfast belief that we would still be friends in the end. Next week turned into this week, and this week turned into Thursday of this week, and I still haven't called her.
What am I waiting for? The only thing I want to tell her is that I don't want to talk to her, and I've already got an airtight excuse--"I don't want to put myself through the pain". Part of the problem is that I don't think I owe her anything. It is, of course, common courtesy to go through with a call that you promised to make, so I do in fact owe her that much. Obviously the only thing keeping me from dialing the number is that I know that eventually I'll have to speak the words "This isn't going to work," which will almost certainly be followed by some kind of pained expression on her part.
I admit it, I have a problem with letting people down. I don't like doing it, but somehow I always end up as the breaker-upper, and only seldomly the break-upee. I guess when it comes down to it, the only thing I hate more than letting someone who cares about me down is being let down by someone I care about.
In any case, it's always going to one or the other. I'm calling her tomorrow. I mean it.
On the fourth time we hung out (which also happened to be her birthday party), she told me that she thought we shouldn't see each other anymore. It seems that she thought that she really liked me, and didn't want to get too involved, since I'm leaving the country in just a few months. It seemed like a fair request to me, but I was a bit puzzled. To be honest, I didn't feel like we connected on any level at all. I mean, I was polite and charming to her, but beyond the first two boxes, nothing was getting checked off. She listened to crappy acoustic music, she enjoyed Top Gun, she seemed to lack any kind of direction for her future, and just didn't seem very smart. How was it that she thought that she really liked me? At any rate, I was free, and pleased that I wasn't going to have to be the one to say "Look, I don't want to hang out with you any more." She asked if we could still be friends, and still, you know, hang out and stuff, to which I of course said yes. To me, this means that we won't be friends or hang out any more, and all obligations to each other are off. Having interpreted the situation in this way, I didn't call her again.
Imagine my surprise when she showed up at my work a week to the day after our "break-up", nearly in tears because I hadn't called her.
"I've been thinking about you all week," she said. "I thought we were going to hang out and stuff, but you didn't call. You didn't even call once."
Wha?
She took a couple of deep breaths. "I had to go have a beer before I came here because I was so nervous. I thought you hated me."
"I don't hate you," I explained. "I thought it was over. I'm not angry with you, I understand and respect your reasons, but I'll get over it. It's OK."
"But I thought we were still going to hang out."
"Look," I said. "I've tried being friends with girls in the past. It's never worked for me. I refuse to put myself through it. If I'm attracted to a girl, and I want to hang out with her, in stands to reason that I'm going to be interested in her romantically. If there's some external event or situation that is preventing me from that, why would I torture myself? It's just not worth it."
"But, I have guy friends," she pleaded. "I have lots of guy friends."
No you don't, I thought but didn't say. You just think you do.
"I just don't think I can do that," I said.
"Just tell it to me straight, Chris. If you don't want to hang out, just tell me."
That's what I've been trying to do the entire time, woman! Listen to me!
The conversation ended with a consoling hug, and her making me promise that I'd call her the next week so we could hang out. I suppose I could have kept tossing straws on the camel's back, but it seemed fruitless, and my resolve was weakened by her startling ability to ignore the words coming out of my mouth, and her steadfast belief that we would still be friends in the end. Next week turned into this week, and this week turned into Thursday of this week, and I still haven't called her.
What am I waiting for? The only thing I want to tell her is that I don't want to talk to her, and I've already got an airtight excuse--"I don't want to put myself through the pain". Part of the problem is that I don't think I owe her anything. It is, of course, common courtesy to go through with a call that you promised to make, so I do in fact owe her that much. Obviously the only thing keeping me from dialing the number is that I know that eventually I'll have to speak the words "This isn't going to work," which will almost certainly be followed by some kind of pained expression on her part.
I admit it, I have a problem with letting people down. I don't like doing it, but somehow I always end up as the breaker-upper, and only seldomly the break-upee. I guess when it comes down to it, the only thing I hate more than letting someone who cares about me down is being let down by someone I care about.
In any case, it's always going to one or the other. I'm calling her tomorrow. I mean it.
posted by Chris Cusack at 1:35 AM
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