A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Hell...
As I sat in Barnes and Nobles killing time, I saw a hot Korean girl1 looking at books about Catholic Church history2. As she bent down to examine the books on the lower shelf, I noticed that she had a lower back tattoo3 of a cross. I wanted to talk to her, but did not4.
1If you are a hot Korean girl who is having a hard time building up the courage to make that big move out to California, you should date me: My last two girlfriends have the following in common: both hot, both Korean, both "honestly" loved me, both moved to California on a short sighted whim. YOU could be number three, the hat trick. Presumably, were I to move to Cali myself, I would accomplish single-handedly what several race riots could not: The mass exodus of the entire California Korean community. (To New York? The moon?) For this reason alone I avoid the Golden State, so that all Korean girls everywhere may be afforded a (very very temporary) safe-haven from their own personal failings.
2Have you ever seen the Matt Lauer interview with Tom Cruise? I am the Tom Cruise of Catholicism. The wild gesticulating, the strained laugh, the canned charm interspersed with herky-jerky intensity, the unnatural good looks: All me. However, I differ from Mr. Cruise in that I am totally totally right, and he is totally totally wrong. Also, I am taller. I realize, by the way, that footnote number one, above, might have something to do with this footnote. But, like, if Hitler told you two plus two is four, would you disbelieve him? I mean, you know? I am certainly not as bad as Hitler, I don't think.
3My main contribution to the science of sexual boorishness is my observation that the subset of girls who have lower-back tattoos is contained in its entirety within the set of girls who will take it up the butt. ("Major Indicators of Female Genito-Anal Sexual Activity, Described and Classified." by J. Honey, C. Zane, et al) This is not to say that I desire to bugger my girlfriends, just that I have a fixation with the idea of buggery, in the abstract, you see.
4I am a huge coward.
N.B. The above story is true in its entirety.
1If you are a hot Korean girl who is having a hard time building up the courage to make that big move out to California, you should date me: My last two girlfriends have the following in common: both hot, both Korean, both "honestly" loved me, both moved to California on a short sighted whim. YOU could be number three, the hat trick. Presumably, were I to move to Cali myself, I would accomplish single-handedly what several race riots could not: The mass exodus of the entire California Korean community. (To New York? The moon?) For this reason alone I avoid the Golden State, so that all Korean girls everywhere may be afforded a (very very temporary) safe-haven from their own personal failings.
2Have you ever seen the Matt Lauer interview with Tom Cruise? I am the Tom Cruise of Catholicism. The wild gesticulating, the strained laugh, the canned charm interspersed with herky-jerky intensity, the unnatural good looks: All me. However, I differ from Mr. Cruise in that I am totally totally right, and he is totally totally wrong. Also, I am taller. I realize, by the way, that footnote number one, above, might have something to do with this footnote. But, like, if Hitler told you two plus two is four, would you disbelieve him? I mean, you know? I am certainly not as bad as Hitler, I don't think.
3My main contribution to the science of sexual boorishness is my observation that the subset of girls who have lower-back tattoos is contained in its entirety within the set of girls who will take it up the butt. ("Major Indicators of Female Genito-Anal Sexual Activity, Described and Classified." by J. Honey, C. Zane, et al) This is not to say that I desire to bugger my girlfriends, just that I have a fixation with the idea of buggery, in the abstract, you see.
4I am a huge coward.
N.B. The above story is true in its entirety.
posted by bgeorge77 at 10:37 PM
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