Pink should make you Think... twice.

"A girl with a tattoo on her lower back WILL take it up the butt," he told me with confidence, lots of it.



"HnKmmpof!" Beer shot from my nose and frothed down my handlebar mustache, nearly ruining my liderhosen. "Wha wha whaaaat?!"


He drank deeply from his beerstein, one of the really nice kind, with a lid and the polished gold-looking interior. Smacking, he said, "Yeah dude, I've dated a lot of crazy women, and I can tell you that with confidence, lots of it. Something else you should know, a little jingle I made up to help remind you: 'Pink should make you think...twice!'" He sang the lyrics, out of tune, to what might have been a Ramones song, I don't like music much so I don't know.

"Pink WHAT should make me think... twice?"

"Pink hair!" he said, pulling on his dreadlock for illustration. He's white by the way. Dreadlocks! On a white man! Stringy, matted... blaugh.

"Why should the coloration of a woman's hair make me think... twice?"

"Think about it dude: a girl with pink hair likes to stand out and grab attention, also, her hair is probably short, which just screams 'Hey, I'm available!'"

I have to say that the inside of my beerstein (a plain glass mug, actually) was very dirty, and I was having trouble concentrating on his speech. A dirty beerstein is distracting, if you're not of Barvarian heritage you don't know. You just don't know. "Well, my friend, I fail to see how the length of a girl's hair could indicate her availability... crap it looks like this thing was used as a damned flower vase!"

"Well bro, consider this: Long hair shows that someone can make a committment," he said, again pointing to his dreadlocks, a thing he did often and for sometimes very tangential reasons, disgusting. "If a girl has very short hair, it means she likes to change things up a lot, and combine all that with the pink or blue or whatever colors, shiiit man, you're crazy if you date her for anything more than, like, two months. Ask a hair stylist, a woman who goes from long hair suddenly to short hair, they call that 'the divorce cut.' She WILL eventually cheat on you, bank on it."

"Do you contend that this observation is universally true, for all short and/or colorated haired girls?"

"Yes, emphatically I do, especially for any of them reading [How did he know I was going to write about it!?] this conversation right now!" Pressing his lips together tightly and thrusting his eyebrows upward, he once again tugged on a dreadlock. "See?" he seemed to say,"Proof!"

I looked away from his aggressive gesture and around the biergarten. The waitress-fraulines were looking rather run-down tonight. He held his pose. I shifted in my chair. "Well," I said, "that's a pretty bold statement, but I see you make that claim with confidence, lots of it. But I don't share your view, my friend. I take it as I can get it, and if a chick wants to be a freak with me, I invite said freakiness with gratitude. I get out there and I do it. When she goes awol, well, c'est la hoes, as the Barvarians say."

He stared down at the wooden table at which we sat, looking over the names of lovers carved upon the surface, some faded away, others fresh. From behind his ear he pulled out a cigarette he had rolled, natural tobacco. It took him four matches to light it. The smoke wafted up into his locks, I waved it away from my mustache.

"Yeah.... well... " He looked deeply into his beerstein, nearly empty, and then at mine. "Man.. what the... did they use yours as a fishbowl, what is that stuff?" He looked up at me, searchingly, uncomfortably, his dreadlocks framing his too-narrow face.

I could tell he was still in a lot of pain.