Sounds Worth It
I met some friends for lunch the other day. Over orange juice and fruit cocktails, four of my friends were discussing a situation that one of them, James, had gotten himself into when I arrived. He'd seen an attractive girl at a restaurant he was eating at with friends, and one of them left James' number for the girl, saying that he wanted to talk to her, but had been to shy to do it. Amazingly, the girl texted him, he replied, and at that point they had been talking on the phone for a week or so.
"I just don't know what to do now," he said.
I was kind of confused by the question, so the rest of the group clarified the situation. The girl wasn't exactly stupid, but did display a number of signs that made James either annoyed or confused. The best example of this I was given was that she used a song from some crappy band as the ring tone on her phone. Not a terrible crime, but one of those things that make most reasonable people either raise their eyebrows in surprise or lower one eyebrow and raise the other in skepticism.
"What do you want out of this girl?" I asked him. "Are you just trying to smash?"
He kind of chuckled as if that really wasn't something you just do. "I mean, that would be nice, but I don't know . . . "
"I mean, if you think this is going to turn into friend jail, then just drop it. If you think that this girl is going to try to make you her boyfriend and you aren't really feeling it then forget it. But if you think that you might want to fool around with her and she'd be up for it--you have to be clear with her on the terms for that--but I say go for it."
"I disagree completely," Leon said. "Why even bother with her? It's like having a job you don't really like. If you have the option, why wouldn't you just choose a better one?"
"I'd go to a job I didn't really like if I could fuck it every time I saw it," I said. "But only if it didn't make me take it out afterwards." I looked at James. "Tagging ass is one of the finest pursuits one can embark upon." The table laughed, I let everyone think I was joking, Leon continued to disagree with my advice, and James didn't necessarily seem convinced in one way or another.
The above story is true, and the conversation actually happened. I don't know what James ended up doing, but I think that the points and the questions posed are important. When is chasing tail worth it? When is it just not?
The argument can be made, and made soundly, by Ben (Red Text) probably, that it's never "worth it" to pursue girls on the basis of tagging ass alone--and he'd probably find himself amongst a minority of men that includes Leon and two Catholic priests.1 That doesn't necessarily mean he's wrong however. This imaginary argument would go something like this: We want sex. We don't want hassle. Although one would think that getting involved in a 'no-strings' relationship or a 'friends with benefits' situation would cut down on hassle, it actually only delays it. The easiest path to consistent sex with the least amount of hassle is to have sex with a girl you actually really like and want to spend time with outside of sex. Therefore, it is never worth it to pursue girls strictly for sex. Also, the Pope says we shouldn't.
The counter-argument for this, I imagine, would go something like this: Yeah, but I don't know anyone I like, and I still want to get laid. I'm impatient, horny, and perfectly happy to pretend that the girl I'm hoping to get with will be the first one in all of history not to get emotionally attached after she drains my balls. And the Pope better recognize if he thinks he's going to tell me not to pimp hoes.
If the conditions have been made clear (hot sex, no hassle, not in a relationship), then the Answer surely must be crystal: Whores, and plenty of them.
1I don't want it to seem like Leon's disagreement was a result of some kind of moral concern. I imagine his stance came mainly from the fact that he thought the girl would really just waste James' time and not give him any anyway.
"I just don't know what to do now," he said.
I was kind of confused by the question, so the rest of the group clarified the situation. The girl wasn't exactly stupid, but did display a number of signs that made James either annoyed or confused. The best example of this I was given was that she used a song from some crappy band as the ring tone on her phone. Not a terrible crime, but one of those things that make most reasonable people either raise their eyebrows in surprise or lower one eyebrow and raise the other in skepticism.
"What do you want out of this girl?" I asked him. "Are you just trying to smash?"
He kind of chuckled as if that really wasn't something you just do. "I mean, that would be nice, but I don't know . . . "
"I mean, if you think this is going to turn into friend jail, then just drop it. If you think that this girl is going to try to make you her boyfriend and you aren't really feeling it then forget it. But if you think that you might want to fool around with her and she'd be up for it--you have to be clear with her on the terms for that--but I say go for it."
"I disagree completely," Leon said. "Why even bother with her? It's like having a job you don't really like. If you have the option, why wouldn't you just choose a better one?"
"I'd go to a job I didn't really like if I could fuck it every time I saw it," I said. "But only if it didn't make me take it out afterwards." I looked at James. "Tagging ass is one of the finest pursuits one can embark upon." The table laughed, I let everyone think I was joking, Leon continued to disagree with my advice, and James didn't necessarily seem convinced in one way or another.
The above story is true, and the conversation actually happened. I don't know what James ended up doing, but I think that the points and the questions posed are important. When is chasing tail worth it? When is it just not?
The argument can be made, and made soundly, by Ben (Red Text) probably, that it's never "worth it" to pursue girls on the basis of tagging ass alone--and he'd probably find himself amongst a minority of men that includes Leon and two Catholic priests.1 That doesn't necessarily mean he's wrong however. This imaginary argument would go something like this: We want sex. We don't want hassle. Although one would think that getting involved in a 'no-strings' relationship or a 'friends with benefits' situation would cut down on hassle, it actually only delays it. The easiest path to consistent sex with the least amount of hassle is to have sex with a girl you actually really like and want to spend time with outside of sex. Therefore, it is never worth it to pursue girls strictly for sex. Also, the Pope says we shouldn't.
The counter-argument for this, I imagine, would go something like this: Yeah, but I don't know anyone I like, and I still want to get laid. I'm impatient, horny, and perfectly happy to pretend that the girl I'm hoping to get with will be the first one in all of history not to get emotionally attached after she drains my balls. And the Pope better recognize if he thinks he's going to tell me not to pimp hoes.
If the conditions have been made clear (hot sex, no hassle, not in a relationship), then the Answer surely must be crystal: Whores, and plenty of them.
1I don't want it to seem like Leon's disagreement was a result of some kind of moral concern. I imagine his stance came mainly from the fact that he thought the girl would really just waste James' time and not give him any anyway.
posted by Chris Cusack at 9:27 AM
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