Master of my domain
I've abandoned one of my favorite hobbies, and I'm not really sure how it happened. It's more than a hobby, really--it's a habit. A pretty bad habit, if you ask me. It's a habit that offered me nothing really in return, except a brief moment of clear-headedness and satisfaction--a benefit often described by smokers.
"I know I shouldn't do it," they say, "but it relaxes me."
If it was socially acceptable, I would probably have "Masturbation" listed as one of my hobbies on MySpace. In fact, I would put masturbation in the top ten activities I've done most frequently over the course of my life, following sleeping, eating, school, and reading.
Imagining how many hours I've spent masturbating worries me. When I finish up, I always think to myself that I could have just spent the last 20 minutes reading, or writing, or exercising, or watching a film. Instead I'm sitting there, 20 minutes older, with nothing to show for my activity except a slightly improved fast-twitch muscle reaction in my wrist. That wasted time is probably one of the biggest reasons I end up echoing those same smokers when I tell myself "I know I shouldn't do it, uh, so often . . . "
But over the last few weeks, I've cut down my procrastination project of choice by about 80%, and I'm not really sure how it happened.
To sum it up, I just lost interest. Maybe it's because I've had a lot of questions about the morality of the tools I use to masturbate to, maybe it's because I wasn't really happy with the thoughts I had after surrounding myself with that material so often--maybe I was just tired of not being productive. All of those reasons have something to do with it, I'm sure, but I also think it has something to do with cost-benefit analysis and my subconscious.
Like I said, I'm aware that the time I spend masturbating is time I'm not doing something else productive. I'm aware that porn has a tendency to affect the way I think about sex, and I know that I feel guilty when I look at girls and immediately wonder what it would be like to sleep with them. I think that half of this sudden loss of interst in masturbating comes partly from these things, and finally understanding that watching hot young girls do things that would freak me out if they happened in my own bedroom is, ultimately, boring and unsexy. The other half is directly connected to that realization--I think that my brain finally put all this stuff together, told my body about it, and they're finally working together in a way that gives me more time to study for the GRE and fool around on Facebook.
One of the consequences of this epiphany is that I've found myself a lot more interested in hanging around people. I typically enjoy a good amount of time to myself to pursue my hermetic interests--reading and writing--but mixing it up with hanging out and doing stuff is definitely a benefit. The other major consequences is that I felt kind of grossed out at porn when I masturbated to it for the first time in a week and a half in an attempt to knock one out before I had to be somewhere.
This second part is pretty significant, if only because I've been watching and enjoying porn for something like 10 years, and I've never felt this way before. If I had to say whether that was good or bad, I'd have to say without qualification that it's good. It's certainly better to experience life's more tangible aspects, rather than having my post-work jerk session be one of the highlights of my day.
I'm not saying that I won't go back at some point--I have no idea if I will or not. But I'm glad my brain is finally putting things together for the other parts of my body.
EPILOGUE: If you aren't convinced of my story, maybe a comic strip containing DINOSAURS will help you. HERE!
"I know I shouldn't do it," they say, "but it relaxes me."
If it was socially acceptable, I would probably have "Masturbation" listed as one of my hobbies on MySpace. In fact, I would put masturbation in the top ten activities I've done most frequently over the course of my life, following sleeping, eating, school, and reading.
Imagining how many hours I've spent masturbating worries me. When I finish up, I always think to myself that I could have just spent the last 20 minutes reading, or writing, or exercising, or watching a film. Instead I'm sitting there, 20 minutes older, with nothing to show for my activity except a slightly improved fast-twitch muscle reaction in my wrist. That wasted time is probably one of the biggest reasons I end up echoing those same smokers when I tell myself "I know I shouldn't do it, uh, so often . . . "
But over the last few weeks, I've cut down my procrastination project of choice by about 80%, and I'm not really sure how it happened.
To sum it up, I just lost interest. Maybe it's because I've had a lot of questions about the morality of the tools I use to masturbate to, maybe it's because I wasn't really happy with the thoughts I had after surrounding myself with that material so often--maybe I was just tired of not being productive. All of those reasons have something to do with it, I'm sure, but I also think it has something to do with cost-benefit analysis and my subconscious.
Like I said, I'm aware that the time I spend masturbating is time I'm not doing something else productive. I'm aware that porn has a tendency to affect the way I think about sex, and I know that I feel guilty when I look at girls and immediately wonder what it would be like to sleep with them. I think that half of this sudden loss of interst in masturbating comes partly from these things, and finally understanding that watching hot young girls do things that would freak me out if they happened in my own bedroom is, ultimately, boring and unsexy. The other half is directly connected to that realization--I think that my brain finally put all this stuff together, told my body about it, and they're finally working together in a way that gives me more time to study for the GRE and fool around on Facebook.
One of the consequences of this epiphany is that I've found myself a lot more interested in hanging around people. I typically enjoy a good amount of time to myself to pursue my hermetic interests--reading and writing--but mixing it up with hanging out and doing stuff is definitely a benefit. The other major consequences is that I felt kind of grossed out at porn when I masturbated to it for the first time in a week and a half in an attempt to knock one out before I had to be somewhere.
This second part is pretty significant, if only because I've been watching and enjoying porn for something like 10 years, and I've never felt this way before. If I had to say whether that was good or bad, I'd have to say without qualification that it's good. It's certainly better to experience life's more tangible aspects, rather than having my post-work jerk session be one of the highlights of my day.
I'm not saying that I won't go back at some point--I have no idea if I will or not. But I'm glad my brain is finally putting things together for the other parts of my body.
EPILOGUE: If you aren't convinced of my story, maybe a comic strip containing DINOSAURS will help you. HERE!
posted by Chris Cusack at 9:40 PM
4 Comments:
I am convinced that this is a major step toward what we all know is nigh inevitable: Zane becoming a Catholic priest.
I'm so proud!
sure you can turn your back on us now, but you'll be back...
Don't stop masturbating! It's sex with someone you love!
And once the sex goes bad in a relationship, it's aaaallll downhill. Soon, you'll be depressed, wanting desperately to be yourself.. You'll write passionate love letters, trying to woo yourself back. Then, sadly, you will angrily break up with yourself, and demand all of your stuff back.
It's terrible. Don't break up a great marriage!!
Yeah man, I've cut back significantly myself. Interestingly, it was partly because porn was grossing me out as well.
It's a nice release of tension every so often, but otherwise I've got better things to do.
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