Pre-emptive strike

There are a lot of aspects in life during which it's important to consult with all involved parties and come to an agreement before acting. International violent conflicts, for example, are on that list. In a situation in which a violent dictator could possibly possess weapons of mass destruction, it's important that a multilateral approach be taken. If a only one party acts, a long and unsexy war could take place that may leave both parties worse off than they were before. Hypothetically speaking.

Breaking up, however, is not on the list of things that everyone must agree on. In fact, I'm a fan of pre-emptive breakups. Your Saddam-girlfriend doesn't have to kill thousands of you-Kurds for you to see that she's mining possessive/needy-uranium.

The worst thing about pre-emptive breakups is that it may come as a surprise to the other person. If you drop the bomb before it comes to hour-long screaming fights and open-handed slaps, the other person may suffer more due to the unexpected cutoff.

As with all great truisms, pop culture backs up my claim. This time it's in the form of Nada Surf's mid-90s hit song, "Popular":

Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse . . .
[I]f you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straightfoward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you'll remain friends

Truthfully though, I don't think the breakupee has to be a jerk or a crybaby to not want to be friends with you--after all, you just dumped them for no reason--at least to them.

As big a fan as I am of these pre-emptive breakups, I think it's important that you do your best to communicate your reasons to the other person--it's the least you can do. If the conversation doesn't go well, if the person doesn't understand your reasons, or if they threaten you with a hatchet, you'll probably realize that your breakup is for the best anyway. Terminate the relationship with extreme prejudice, using ground forces of coalition troops, carefully aimed smart bombs, and a long list of the breakupee's personal faults.

Ultimately what you're doing is minimizing damage to both parties. Be selective with this method, and don't go dropping a good thing just because she hates your favorite show (My Name is Earl)--this should only be used if it's an obvious deal-breaker, like disagreeing on foreign policy, or if your favorite show is The West Wing, which phenomenal.

No love-blood for hoes-oil.