Clueless

We DoLanders have been on hiatus for some time now, but that doesn't mean that the steady flow of comments and questions have stopped pouring in. One recent question reads:

Dear Do Landers,

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend but am not sure about what I'm going to tell her when she asks me why I want to end it. Right now all I can come up with is: "Where we are right now is where we were four months ago and where we're going to be four months from now. We've stopped growing together and I just can't be in a committed relationship when it is stagnant like this."

Other than hoping that she doesn't ask my reasons and is as anxious as I am to end things, what is a good plan of attack?

-Clueless in Cleveland

Well, Clueless, as far as I can tell, there are three important rules for breaking up. First, don't put off breaking up when you know you want to; prolonging the situation only makes it worse. Second, tell her honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly. Don't make a big production and don't make up an elaborate story. This will help you avoid a big tearjerking scene. If you want to date other people, say so. Finally, be prepared for the girl to feel hurt and rejected even if you've gone together for only a short time. Even if you haven't been too serious, there's still a feeling of rejection when someone says he prefers the company of others to your exclusive company.

If you're honest and direct and avoid making a flowery, emotional speech when you break the news, the girl will respect you for your frankness, and, honestly, she'll appreciate the kind, straightforward manner in which you told her your decision. Unless she's a real bitch or a crybaby, you'll remain friends.

Good luck!