Premature Romantification

Chris, what should I do?" A friend once asked me. "I met this girl and I really like her. I thought we really clicked, you know? But we went out twice, and we had a few conversations on the phone, and now I've left two messages and I haven't heard from her!" My friend began to weep. I pulled him to my heaving pectorals and stroked his girlish hair, consoling him in his time of need.

The only advice worth giving in this case is, of course, to do nothing. No phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages. Nothing. I don't care how cute, or clever, or funny, or intelligent you think you are--if a girl isn't sure about giving you a chance, there's nothing you can do about it except give her space. Any other form of communication is a sign of desperation, which is completely unattractive.

The rule is simple: before you reach that level of "understanding" that occurs in relationships, only one phone call at a time is appropriate. If you call her and leave a message, and she doesn't call back, you either wait or fold.

I understand that there is a strong desire to "break the rules" when you meet someone that actually seems worth knowing. Most people aren't worth knowing, so it's easy to get excited when someone seems like they have potential. This is when you should be taking the most care with how you "play the game."

George and Jerry discuss a familiar problem at Monk's coffee shop in an early episode of Seinfeld:

GEORGE: Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like?

JERRY: Well, you've only got another fifty years or so to go before it'll all be over...

GEORGE: Maybe I need someone who doesn't speak English.

JERRY: Yeah, how about a mute?

GEORGE: A mute would be good.

JERRY: Ah, where you gonna meet a mute?

GEORGE: This is what my life has come to--trying to meet a mute.

To me the problem is clear. You're already playing the game with the women that you don't like--you just don't know it. You indulge their conversations to be polite, but you sure aren't making the effort to chase them. Your ambiguity and aloofness towards them is attractive. They want to make you want them. Of course, it's the exact opposite with the women you like. You're the one who is trying to impress, and it's they who are cool towards you, which of course, drives you crazy.

Following the rules can only add wealth to your "Savings Account of Love"--anything else is a withdraw.