Blog Jammin'

"Oh, friend Ben! You are punk bitch! Yes, I think so!"



"Why do you say that?" I asked Zane, a communist bomb thrower, but a dear dear friend nonetheless.

"I am thinking, 'Ben! He is never post!' Anytime I am posting all of the time all everywhere! Three, four times, one day!!"

In typical communist style Zane had mistaken quantity for quality. ("Hey, let's have a big ass May Day parade, with ten million dancing Cossack, and missiles out the wazoo, most of which are inoperable, THAT'll show those capitalists," you know, that kinda thing.)

"Zane, my broski, I don't know how to tell you this, but I've been smitten. In fact, I would say I've had the shit smitten out of me," I tried to explain to him. This was made difficult by the bulging incomprehension of his large-ish cow-eyes, which pointed in slightly different directions. Very distracting.

"Smitten? Is smitten like shoot you in the street? Is common, in my country."

"Shot in the street! Haha, well, if it goes wrong it can be like that, but no, smitten is when you like someone very much. I met a young lady recently and she has pretty much taken over my spare thought-time."

"I am think you say: 'Go away you time take lady!! You are every time take away all of my time!' Is good, for put the lady away, lady is good for one thing my friend: her pakoonsh! Kha-kha-kha-kha-kha!"

"I enjoy pakoonsh as much as the next commie, but it's certainly more than that. Maybe even twice as more."

Since having been smitten, it's nearly impossible to "get-it-up" for blogging. I have no need to be impressive on a world stage. All my humor and extra thought is dedicated to getting the laugh from one person: the lady-fren.

Here are some great one-liners I came up with lately:

"Password: Niagra!"
"Hey, it's the Nigerian!"
"Remember to bring your burqa!"


Get it? Get it?! No, you don't because I am in my own world right now. It's difficult for me to conceive of things that other people might find funny.

For instance, yesterday I had lunch with a friend, JH. Usually I'm able to riff commedique with JH for hours, but yesterday, natch. We ended up quoting bits of the Chapelle show to each other. "Hey did you see that episode with [poorly re-enacted scene, misquoted]? Hahaha.. No? Oh man, that shit was funny, you should check it out." Awful.

Furthermore, blogging while you are in a relationship is freaking bad news, period. "Let's play cards, but where all yours are showing!" Screw that!